The Ways We Lie

1: The White Lie

A man who won't lie to a woman has very little consideration for her feelings -Bregan Evans


The white lie assumes that the truth will cause more damage than a simple, harmless untruth. Tekking a friend he looks great when he in fact looks like hell can be based on the decision that the friend needs a compliment more than a frank opinion. But, in effect it is the liar deciding what is best for the lied to. Ultimately, it is a vote of no confidence. It is an act of subtle arrogance for anyone to decide what is best for someone else.

Yet not all circumstances are quite so cut-and-dried. Take, for instance, the sergeant n Vietnam who knew one of his men was killed in action but listed him as missing so that the man's family would reicieve indefinite compensation instead of the lump-sum pitance the military gives to widows and children. His intent was honorable. Yet for twenty years this family kept their hopes alive, unable to move on to a new life.

2: Facades

Et tu, Brute? -Ceasar


We all put Facades to one degree or another. When I put on a suit to go see a clinet, I feel as though I am puttuing on another face, obeyibg the expectation that serious businesspeople wear suits rather than sweatpants. But I'm a writer. Normally, I get up, get the kid off to school, abd sit at my computer in my pajamas until four in the afternoon. When I answer the phone, the caller thinks im wearing a suit (though the UPS man knows better)

But facades can be destructive because they are used to seduce others into an illusion. For instance, I recently realized that a former friend was a liar. He presented himself with all the right looks and the right words and offered lots of new consciousness theories, fabulous books to read, and fascinating insights. Then I did some business with him, and the time came for him to pay me. He turned out to be all talk and no walk. I heard a plethora of reasonable excuses, including in-depth descriptions of the big break around the corner. In six months work, I saw a less than a hundred bucks. When I confronted him, he raised both eyebrows and tried to convince me that I'd heard him wrong, that he made no commitment to me. A simple investigation into his past revealed acrowded graveyard of disenchanted friends