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Old 09-17-2006, 09:35 PM
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Default Dumb Quotes, Stupid People.

"Outside consultants sought for test of gas chamber."
- Ad in Arizona Republic

"Golden, Ripe, Boneless Bananas, 39 Cents A Pound."
- Ad in the "Missoulian" by Orange Street Food Farm

"Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious."
- Alan Minter, Boxer

"We are unable to announce the weather. We depend on weather reports from the airport, which is closed, due to weather. Whether we will be able to give you a weather report tomorrow will depend on the weather."
- Arab News report

"I wish men had boobs because I like the feel of them. It's so funny - when I record I sing with a hand over each of them, maybe it's a comfort thing."
- Baby Spice of the Spice Girls

"Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, "Thank God, I'm still alive." But, of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same again."
- Barbara Boxer, Senator

"Politics gives guys so much power that they tend to behave badly around women. And I hope I never get into that."
- Bill Clinton, former U.S. president

"You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle."
- Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach

"Cod are not very good swimmers so they are easily overtaken by trawlers and nets."
- British government report on why cod fish are disappearing from the North Sea.

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."
- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign.

"Inbreeding is how we get championship horses."
- Carl Gunter, Louisiana state representative, explaining why he was fighting a proposed antiabortion bill that allowed abortion in cases of incest.

"Most cars on our roads have only one occupant, usually the driver."
- Carol Malia, BBC Anchorwoman

"Football players win football games."
- Chuck Knox, football coach

"My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt."
- Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice.

"Most lies about blondes are false."
- Cincinnati Times-Star, headline

"Better make it six, I can't eat eight."
- Dan Osinski, Baseball pitcher, when a waitress asked if he wanted his pizza cut into six or eight slices

"It's time for the human race to enter the solar system!"
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President on the concept of a manned mission to Mars

"It isn't pollution that is hurting the environment, it's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice-President

"There is Brendan Foster, by himself, with 20,000 people"
- David Coleman, Sportscaster

"All you have to do is go down to the bottom of your swimming pool and hold your breath."
- David Miller, US DOE spokesperson, on protecting yourself from nuclear radiation

"A billion here, a billion there, sooner or later it adds up to real money."
- Everett Dirksen, Congressman

"Boxing?s all about getting the job done as quickly as possible, whether it takes 10 or 15 or 20 rounds."
- Frank Bruno, Boxer

"I was in a no-win situation, so I'm glad that I won rather than lost."
- Frank Bruno, Boxer

"The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people who make them unsafe."
- Frank Rizzo, ex-police chief and mayor of Philadelphia.

"There is no housing shortage in Lincoln today - just a rumour that is put about by people who have nowhere to live."
- G.L. Murfin, Mayor of Lincoln

"I have opinions of my own --strong opinions-- but I don't always agree with them."
- George Bush, former U.S. President

"It is white."
- George W. Bush, when asked what the White house was like by a student in East London

"If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight."
- George Gobel

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."
- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC instructor

"And now, will y'all stand and be recognized."
- Gib Lewis, Texas Speaker of the House, to a group of people in wheelchairs on Disability Day

"For most people, death comes at the end of their lives."
- GLR broadcaster, UK

"The war did not turn in Japan's favor, and trends of the world are not advantageous to us."
- Japan's Emperor Hirohito, announcing his country's surrender to America and its WWII allies, after two atom bombs had been dropped.

"Fiction writing is great, you can make up almost anything."
- Ivana Trump, on finishing her first novel

"I do not like this word "bomb." It is not a bomb. It is a device that is exploding."
- Jacques le Blanc, French ambassador on nuclear weapons

"Winfield goes back to the wall. He hits his head on the wall and it rolls off! It's rolling all the way back to second base! This is a terrible thing for the Padres!"
- Jerry Coleman, Padres radio announcer

"A brain scan revealed Andrew Caddick is not suffering from a stress fracture of the shin."
- Jo Sheldon

"I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl."
- Joe Jacoby, NFL Football player, of the Washington Redskins

"To win, I'd run over Joe's mom too."
- Matt Millen, NFL Football player, of the Raiders

"I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves."
- John Wayne, Actor

"I have a God-given talent. I got it from my dad."
- Julian Wakefield, Missouri basketball player

"I've always thought that underpopulated countries in Africa are vastly underpolluted."
- Lawrence Summers, chief economist of the World Bank, explaining why we should export toxic wastes to Third World countries.

"If you or any member of your family has been killed..."
- Lawyer commercial on TV, Orlando, Florida

"I don't think that Saddam Hussein is deliberately starving his own people. I would think that a man who gets 99 percent of the people to vote for him in an election and the people love him so much, how would they love a man that is starving them?"
- Louis Farrakhan, Leader of The Nation of Islam

"Man shots neighbor with machete."
- Miami Herald, headline

"Whenever I watch TV and I see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I would love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
- Mariah Carey, Pop Singer

"I say no to drugs, but they don't listen."
- Marilyn Manson, Singer

"If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very low crime rate."
- Marion Barry, mayor of Washington, D.C.

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
- Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

"I'll fight Lloyd Honeyghan for nothing if the price is right"
- Marlon Starling

"I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were ever supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever."
- Miss Alabama, in the 1994 Miss Universe contest, when asked if she would want to live forever.

"The Lybian army is capable of destroying America and breaking its nose."
- Muammar Qaddafi, Libyian President

"It is thought that Raj Mohammed Poselay was beaten to death, possibly during a family fun day in the park."
- Newspaper, Wolverton Express & Star (UK)

"We are not without accomplishment. We have managed to distribute poverty equally."
- Nguyen Co Thatch, Vietnamese foreign minister

"Sure, it's going to kill a lot of people, but they may be dying of something else anyway."
- Othal Brand, member of a Texas pesticide review board, on chlordane.

"If people get a kick out of running down pedestrians, you have to let them do it."
- Paul Jacobs, marketing director for a video game company

"Can you hear me? Squeeze once for yes and twice for no."
- Police detective questioning a wounded officer

"Man thought hurt, but slightly dead."
- Providence Journal Headline

"Reports are sketchy, but we have heard that in the first heart transplant operation in Belgium, both patient and donor are doing fine."
- Radio news announcer

"While sitting in a tavern, someone hit my nose from behind."
- reason given for insurance claim

"Solutions are not the answer."
- Richard Nixon, former U.S. President

"Hi I'm Dean White, Dick, of the college."
- Richard (Dick) White, Duke University academic Dean introducing himself at a faculty dinner.

"Danger Slow Men At Work"
- Road sign in Brunei

"Permitted vehicles not allowed."
- Road sign on US 27

...........to be concluded
  #2  
Old 09-18-2006, 01:36 PM
Shaban Shaban is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 62
Default Re: Dumb Quotes, Stupid People.

lol great stuff
was laughing tears :-D
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  #3  
Old 09-19-2006, 07:49 AM
Thornfinger Thornfinger is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 122
Default Re: Dumb Quotes, Stupid People.

"I think the team that scores the most points will win the football game."


- John Madden predicting the winner of Super Bowl XXXVIII






Just had to add this one......... they are all funny
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